Saturday, July 27, 2013

Simple Solutions to Complex Problems from the Emporer of the Universe & Surrounding Areas



The Problem: Medical advances since 1950 is providing abnormally extended life expectancies which has allowed a drastic increase in the world’s population which threatens worldwide famines riots, and endemics!
Example: The average life span for American males in 1935 was 65. The life span for the average American male in 2010…is 78. And children’s life span’s born after 2012 is projected at 120!
The Simple Solution: No one is allowed to live past the age of seventy unless they have made a major contribution to the betterment of their fellow man.
Even the Bible decrees that God has granted us, “Three Score and Ten!”  (70 Years.”)
Now the problem becomes complicated by what method or methods shall be used to enforce this? Once again your beloved leader has a simple solution which doesn’t echo Hitler, Stalin, Mao or any of those unpronounceable dictators roaming the Central African and Sub-Asian Veldts.
When you reach 70, you receive a package containing three pills, a red, a white and a blue one, and you have a week to select which one you use to depart this overpopulated planet. All three pills allow you to depart in a soft, whirling dream like state.
The red pill grants you exit while you enjoy reliving your life’s most wonderful moments!
The blue pill provides you the opportunity to experience all of the wishes, obsessions and desires your life did not grant!
The white one presents a pathway for you to enjoy all of the fantasies, hopes and wishes you didn’t have the imagination to conjure!
There is one small print limitation; You Cannot Mix The Pills!!!
Now, what if you just don’t have the guts to go out when your time is up? Well, on the eighth day The Pill Police show up and they have an assortment of pills no one…well hardly any normal person… would like to take.
I’ll give you one of the least obnoxious ones: For Clean Freaks; they go out believing they are submerged in a river of human and animal excrement.
See? Simple solutions for complex problems…trust me!

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